Seedwishes for 2021

addiction alcohol alcohol free gifts of sobriety love sober self-care sobriety Dec 31, 2020

I love new year. I love beginnings, the spark of ideas, the birth of projects. I get very excited and it feels like all my synapses are firing and if I were to have an MRI of my brain it would look like Blackpool Illuminations.

However , this fiery energy of mine is rather like fast burning fuel, the bits of tinder you put on to get a fire going and soon it dies down and I run out of steam. I need the heavy weight chunks of coal for a longer lasting source of energy.

This year I am working with an idea that I have borrowed from yoga, It is the idea of planting a seed wish or Sankalpa, now this is a strange one because as you work with this you simultaneously work with the ideas of a new goal or wish , and yet of being enough at the same time...and the change already being within you. My mind finds this hard to hold at the same time being used to my binary Western thought . How can I be enough and perfect as I am whilst wanting change? There is a mantra we were learning in yoga this week So ham ham so , which means 'I am that I am' ( Like Gloria Gaynors 'I am what I am' but you don't have to wear sequins while you are chanting it - unless you want to ) or the change I am is already within me.

I suppose like early days of sobriety I am going to take daily small steps and trust the process. Often with goals there is a time line we can take into consideration so we can practice self compassion and work with the idea we are enough and yet take baby steps to make our wishes happen. We can practice mindfulness so we don't get mental fatigue or burnout.

The other thing I am going to do is actually physically plant seeds. My mum gave me some crocus bulbs and I will plant some daffs. I find this very comforting and grounding . To get out of my head and to have cold wet earth under my finger nails. And in my overthinking tendency it reminds me of the body and of nature , of something bigger than me and of the need for patience , things grow at their own time, even with attention, love and care. The serenity prayer comes to mind here .. So in my planting of seed wishes , of new goals , there are still some things I cannot control and so self compassion is a must.

This time of year often leaves us prone to reflection, as many milestones, personal or those inflicted upon us by the Gregorian Calendar tend to do. Reflection can often take a melancholy route according to research .. dwelling on regrets or problems or even positive nostalgia then leads to a sense of loss and of good things passing ( Can't bloody win, can we ? )

It's so important to reflect on what went well this year, what you overcame, and what you are proud of in addition to your Sankalpa. 2020 will go down in history, that's for sure. It feels like we are doing a deep bow, with one middle finger up whilst backing out of the door. 

But you did stuff, you learnt things, you prevailed. 

Maybe this January you just want to sleep more, to look more, to 'be' more. We need somehow to do a balancing act of blue sky hopeful thinking whilst keeping it really small and doing 'the next right thing.' We are building some mahoooosive sober muscles , that's for sure and soon we will see each other. And we will never stop hugging. 

The future is bright, loves, you better wear shades x 

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