LOVE YOURSELF SOBER 6 WEEK COURSE

The Power of Belonging in the Sobersphere

alcohol-free gifts of sobriety grey area drinker loveyourselfsober science of happiness self-care toolkit wellbeing Mar 15, 2022

According to James Clear, author of the best-selling 'Atomic Habits,'  nothing sustains motivation better than belonging to a group. 'It transforms a personal quest into a shared one,' he says 'Previously, you were on your own. Your identity was singular. You are a reader. You are a musician. You are an athlete.

When you join a book club or a band or a cycling group, your identity becomes linked to those around you. Growth and change is no longer an individual pursuit. We are readers. We are musicians. We are cyclists.

The shared identity begins to reinforce your personal identity. This is why remaining part of a group after achieving a goal is crucial to maintaining your habits. It’s friendship and community that embed a new identity and help behaviours last over the long run.'

On our sober journeys it was the connections with others that made ALL the difference. Finding Soberistas back in 2013 - the first sober networking site that was accessible and felt positive, safe and private was a key part of us being able to piece together what we needed to get sober time under our belt - in fact that's where we met. 

Here are some of our tips for connecting with people who 'get ' us. Remember fitting in, is really different than belonging . When we belong we are able to share who we really are, be authentic and have our backs.

• Keep close to a community that holds the same values as you, make friends with the sober world and people within it, and actively protect yourself from people that make you doubt your decision (especially on social media).

• Follow sober heroes and sheroes – role models that will inspire you and make you feel good about your decision.

• Keep learning from books, podcasts, and other community members. Seeing yourself in others’ stories helps reaffirm your own connection to your ‘why’.

•Get the support you need. Perhaps this is a time of transition and some sober coaching would be beneficial, or maybe there is a need for deeper work in therapy to continue on this path ahead. Whatever your needs, there is help out there and we encourage you to get the appropriate support.

There is also a difference between socialising and being connected. If you can’t handle socialising, or simply don’t want to do it, we get that, but finding ways to be with others, be it through sports or clubs or volunteering, can enable you to feel connected and be distracted from your negative inner voice without it being too draining. If you feel yourself starting to doubt or isolate, jump onto a sober forum and tell someone, and allow others to help you through.

 

Occasionally you will meet people within the sober community whose values, opinions, and strategies regarding sobriety don’t match yours. This can make you feel extremely vulnerable, and that perhaps you’re not doing it right, or that maybe you are not really sober, or are in denial. Again, we say, ‘f*** that sh**’ – don’t let someone else’s narrow view derail you. Luckily, there are hundreds of groups, forums, programmes, and methods to get sober, so if one doesn’t work for you, or if you want a fresh start or to avoid certain dialogue, you will be able to find a place that is right for you.

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