The Holiday that was Not ....

Why is it the period of school closure, formerly known as the ‘school holidays’ ALWAYS bites on the arse?

I have had many, many summer holidays when the combination of childcare, heightened expectation about the bunting decorated cup cake fest through a greased up lens type fantasies coupled with more unrealistic expectation about being able to do a ‘bit’ of work here and there seem to collide in an ugly way. Why do we do it to ourselves? Why will I never learn?

This summer I don’t think it’s my head though - I DID plan, I DID do yoga, I DID try to delegate.

I went away last week and both Mandy and I, determined to take ONE WEEK OFF, left laptops at home in a bold declaration of independence and broke ourselves try to get everything lined up - an extra podcast, an extra life hack , everything we could do for the book baby, hell we even finished the videos for our course. PAH! To the nagging mum guilt - let them play on tech etc etc.

Anyhoo, last week Mandy set off en famille to Paris and my lot and me packed the camper and set off to Dorset. After the heat wave, the heavens opened and we were caught in massive storms. Hey that’s OK, a bit of rain won’t hurt.

We had the enormous 1989 Ford Econoline MOTed just in time. However the Jurassic Coast is literally THE most hilly coast in the whole universe and after 6 hours on the road , the kids' moaning practically at maximum decibel, the van goes on strike and we are crawling up precipitous hills at 5mph with a mile of irate drivers behind. We did stall on a hill but managed to limp to the campsite. I heaved a sigh of relief and though ‘ Now I can relax.’

The naughty press fairies conspired and said ‘ Oh no you don’t’. New research meant that the feature about our book, due to go in in Sept was pulled forward, copy needed to be checked on the phone and could I leave the beach and have my photo taken like .. NOW!

I race back and in the rain the only place for the photo is next to the campsite loos.

Mandy, in Paris gets a call to speak to BBC worldwide and has her interview on the steps of the Palace of Versailles. I love this image, as I agree to then do a second interview with BBC in the van in Weymouth car park. To be fair, she had moaning children in tow and poor reception and we were both doing things we have NEVER done in our lives… comfort zone WATTTT?

I have to text the journal at 10.30 pm as I notice there is no mention of the book in the copy online. I am not thinking straight - kids are grumbling about me being on my phone.

We are home now, I still have a headache and my nervous system is still in high alert…but I feel grateful and thankful... these are memories in the making. The timing of things is not always ours to decide and being sober means we can respond to emergencies and opportunities and we have the tools to put ourselves back together.

Today I’m washing and pottering, a bit of yoga, crying a bit … because I do LOL and trying to pace myself and do ODAAT. As I did the interview, I heard myself talking about parents and carers and burnout and maternal mental health and I know it’s got to be carried on being talked about and we have to call BS and have tools to live and look after ourselves.

I’m lit up by pics appearing in our FB group of ladies receiving copies of our book, which were released early to Amazon. IT all feels amazing and bonkers all at the same time and I think I’m just gonna have to breathe and pinch myself through it. Can’t quite believe it all.

Much love to all.

KXXXX