Am I an Alcoholic?
‘Am I an alcoholic?’ was the search term I would type into Google when I was hungover and wanted to stop drinking, which happened on a cyclical basis for many years. Feeling like I was going to cry, unable to believe I’d ‘done it again’ I would trawl the internet to find unequivocal proof that I qualified for sobriety somehow, and that someone else could make the decision for me. Other times I’d look for reassurance that I was ‘normal’.
Looking back it was possibly the most unhelpful thing I could ask myself. The language around grey area drinking had not emerged, I was still living inside the matrix of ‘just having one or two ‘ being the holy grail and genuinely it did not provide a language to explain personal experience, which felt like a harmless tipple some nights and a royal binge others and didn’t look very different to many of my friends.
If you are reading this blog, it has probably crossed your mind. Possibly it’s a useful label for you. But for me it felt like big, ugly stereotype attached to it, and it doesn’t fit the vast majority of people who are having issues with alcohol. It also doesn’t address systemic issues, cultural factors, trauma and the expected and rewarded overworking of women, the stressors of these which have a part to play in accelerating problems with the nation’s favourite, legal drug.
The stereotype of an alcoholic as someone sitting on a park bench drinking from a can, or a celebrity checking themselves into rehab, is so off- putting it can convinced many of us that people with alcohol problems do not look like ‘us’.
However, problem drinking is far from black and white, and you don’t need to wait until you hit rock bottom before you realise you want to, or need to, live an alcohol-free life.
Like so many things, problematic drinking falls across a spectrum. Lots of people drink alcohol, many people have some problems with it, and some people have many problems with it. There is, in fact, a huge grey area, which is rarely discussed, and when we realised that Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) was a spectrum of problematic drinking, including binge drinking and drinking to avoid feelings, and not just a case of ‘normal drinkers’ versus alcoholics’, things began to make more sense.
The World Health Organisation breaks down Alcohol Use Disorder into three categories in its AUDIT (Alcohol Use Disorders Identification Test)1:
1. Hazardous drinking: People who drink above the recommended limits/units, but are not yet experiencing harm.
2. Harmful use: People who drink above the recommended limits and experience harm, resulting in effects on their physical and mental health and social consequences. Patterns of use are also a factor: for example, binge drinking has a higher risk of immediate harm from injuries, violence, and loss of self-control.
3. Alcohol dependence: This is a cluster of behavioural, cognitive, and physiological phenomena that may develop after repeated alcohol use. Typically, these include a strong desire to consume alcohol, impaired control over its use, persistent drinking despite harmful consequences, a higher priority given to drinking than to other activities and obligations, increased alcohol tolerance, and a physical withdrawal reaction when alcohol use is discontinued.
In addition to this, NHS statistics on Alcohol (2017) showed that 28% of men and 14% of women in the UK would be classed as having AUD2. This is over 10 million people. However, of this group, only 76,000 were treated for problematic drinking. This means that millions of Brits are drinking in a harmful or hazardous way, but few recognise this or seek help because they don’t fit the stereotype of the alcohol-dependent person.
The situation is similar in the US and Australia. In the US, around 16 million people have AUD3 and in Australia approximately 20% of adults drink at levels that put them at risk of lifetime harm.
Grey area drinking
The simplest way to define grey area drinking is to look at what it is not. It is not a person who has the occasional drink every couple of weeks or even months – perhaps a glass of bubbly at a celebration and that’s about it. Nor is it someone at the other extreme, a severely ill alcoholic. It is, however, anything and everything in between.
I was stuck in the grey area for many years, knowing I wasn’t happy with how booze affected me and that I wasn’t really in the driver’s seat. I was becoming uncomfortably aware of how it could sometimes take me and felt that I really ought to have a bit more self-control. However, I didn’t fit the professionally agreed profile for ‘dependent drinker’ or ‘alcoholic’ and, as such, didn’t qualify for any real support around it. Like millions of other women, I sat somewhere on the very broad spectrum of alcohol problems.
So, the question you could ask yourself is, ‘Do I use alcohol in a disordered way?’ And what does that look like for you? Be aware that comparison with unhelpful stereotypes can be a real pitfall for anyone looking to reassess their relationship with alcohol and hoping to make a positive change. It can stop you from:
taking the steps needed to get some help
choosing to quit the booze not because you have to, but because
you want to
realising that when you put down the wine glass you are not
giving anything up, rather you are gaining the opportunity to live
a full, free, content, and happy life
understanding there is a wide spectrum of problems with alcohol
and it isn’t a case of you either are or aren’t an alcoholic – there are many stages in between.
But we are here to tell you that there is hope! There are so many ways you can make the changes you want to make. Being alcohol-free is the most powerful and liberating choice we’ve ever made. We love being sober, and we know you will too!
Unhelpful comparisons
It can be very confusing when it all starts to go a bit wrong. When we first feel that maybe we ought to look at our alcohol consumption, we look around and see everyone else drinking and think, ‘Are we being too hard on ourselves?’ Others then reinforce this by telling us to lighten up, and it can be all too easy to justify our drinking behaviour and sweep any nagging questions under the carpet.
Drinking alcohol is relatively unquestioned in our society and, indeed, actively expected of us from our teenage years – a rite of passage into adulthood. We grow up thinking it’s just‘ what adults do’, and it’s often not even seen as a drug. However, it is a drug, and a powerful, mood- altering, addictive one at that. If a person were having problems with any other drug, the advice would be to stop taking it and get help. With alcohol, in contrast, we are often just told to ‘moderate’ our drinking.
It’s not necessarily the number of units...
...but your relationship with those units. This is a key point to remember, as simply counting units is a very imperfect method of assessing your alcohol intake. Although the medical guidelines around recommended units of alcohol can be helpful, it’s by no means the full picture. Start by having a look at your relationship with alcohol and ask questions about how you feel, before, during, and after drinking. How much and how often do you break your rules around drinking, and how much effort does it take you to stick to recommended units?
In my experience there wasn’t a lightning bolt from the sky, and thankfully no classic stereotyped rock-bottom gutter experience either. It was a slow-dawning realisation that my relationship with alcohol was just not working anymore. I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Left unchallenged and undealt with, a rock-bottom scenario could have been a distinct possibility as alcohol problems are progressive. Because I was often just over the so-called recommended number of weekly units, I would convince myself I was borderline, but I was not taking into account how much I was thinking about drinking and the sheer willpower it was taking to not drink more. I also thought I was just a naturally anxious person and was unaware how much my drinking was contributing to my anxiety and low self-worth at that time.
Maybe somewhere along the way, drinking alcohol has taken something of a darker turn for you. You might recognise this fuzzy line, a soft boundary that you crossed without realising. It is a very individual thing, but at some point, alcohol goes from something you don’t think about and is a bit of fun, to something more dominant in your life. So, let’s not get hung up on labels or stereotypes any longer. Let’s keep an open mind and ask some more useful questions.
Personal project:
My honest relationship with alcohol
The aim of this exercise is to look at what alcohol is costing you. We encourage you to find yourself a quiet moment pick up your journal, and answer the following questions:
How much and how regularly am I drinking?
Is alcohol making me feel bad physically?
Have my hangovers become worse?
Do they include anxiety now rather than just a thick head and
dehydration?
Do I forget parts of the evening?
Do I drink more than I set out to?
Do I binge and often drink over the recommended amount?
Do I drink on more occasions than I plan to?
Do I think about booze a bit too much?
Do I sometimes feel in control and other times out of control?
Do I sometimes rush other activities, or feel disconnected
because I want my first drink?
Do I regret my behaviour when I have been drinking?
Do I feel guilty about my drinking?
Is my drinking causing me shame?
Is it costing me too much... and more than just money?
How does it make me feel...
– after I’ve had a few drinks?
– in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep?
– the next day? – generally?
Perhaps there are other questions you are asking yourself? Or feelings that have arisen? It will help to write these down too.
What does this tell you?
If you have answered yes to some of these questions, you have also probably been trying to control your intake through moderating. Alcohol is costing you more than just money. It’s having a negative effect on your health, happiness, and peace of mind at the very least. The great news is you will be so much happier going alcohol-free. You have better health and peace of mind waiting for you and now there is a much bigger awareness and AF scene to get involved in, great AF drinks so if you are interested, go for it!
I work with a small number of clients on an individual basis with evidence based, holistic tools and habit change psychology to enable you to quit drinking and create a healthy sustainable alcohol free midlife.
