I was reminded the other day of what I consider to be a power quote : One of those truths which once we really , truly get will save us hours of rose tinted spectacles and heartache and help us NQTD.
What you are looking for has already gone.
Once I realised that I had crossed a point with alcohol , not necessarily the number of units but internally and I would NEVER be a happy carefree drinker ever again , then there really is no point to it. As William Porter says in ‘Alcohol Explained’ ‘Once it’s soured, it’s soured’ and no amount of self development or willpower will change that.
Once you have got to the point that to stick to recommended units is causing you an internal battle then that really is the point that you will be much happier free of alcohol and that 100% is so much easier that anything less. If you have the booze chatter then it is only going to get more exhausting and boring .
So if I was looking for relaxation and a carefree time with alcohol it was never going to happen. It had soured , even if I was able to ‘moderate’. I found that out.
But this suggests there’s a gap… So fill the gap with what it needs to be filled with and find the thing you are looking for where it actually is. If it’s peace, then a walk in the woods or a yoga class might do it , excitement then book a trip or a bungy jump or whatever floats your boat , if it’s connection , see friends for a sAFe get together …but the art of listening in , identifying the need then finding ways to authentically meet those as a regular practice is what will keep you from feeling deprived and setting the wine witch off.
Find the things that light you up, rest when you are tired, opt out if you can’t face that party. It sounds simple to me now ( still a work in progress mind) but having spent years overriding my feelings and wants with wine I didn’t really know how to. The other thing that keeps coming up at the moment for me too is that things take time, to try to be patient and be gentler and slower and to try to keep listening in and just take it easy , especially at this frenetic time of the year.
Keep going the best is yet to come…
Love to all you other little pickles 🙂