Today I checked my day count and it is 888. It feels like an auspicious number somehow so I decided to do a little post on instagram about it ( after my Xmas tech fast ) and some friends said it’s and important spiritual number signifying having learnt lessons – healing my inner child and aligning with future self. Well that sounds OK although not entirely true if I am to tell the truth about HOW FRICKEN TRIGGERED I have been ALL XMAS .
It’s no-ones fault – everyone is grieving still and that high day /holiday pressure cooker plus alcohol ( not me) plus a game of Articulate meant everyone went up like a volcano on Xmas eve. We sorted it, it needed to happen.
Aldi mayhem, kids’ overexcitement/ naughtiness plus sharing one bathroom between 8 of us has left me with twitch in one eye. I feel the need for a new year , a fresh start but I also am wary of putting too much on the new year. I am craving solitude and quiet.
I also have that feeling of needing to get New Years’ Eve out of the way. I feel like no-one is asking me if I am OK . WTF is that ? I know from my inner work that this is when I need to practice self compassion, listen to Tara Brach and tune in , but I can’t fricken hear myself because I am in a group all the time.
It’s no wonder this time of year is so triggering. If you listen to our podcasts then you will know I have been excited all December but I really have had enough now.
Today just the four of us went to Monkey World and strangely it reframed so much for me. It was captivating seeing these amazing sentient beings in their social groups with their pecking orders and relationships. I saw chimps feeding and baby orang-utans, gibbons, spider monkeys and it was like therapy , that bit of nature, just stopped all of us for a minute and connected with something greater.. nature and also reminded of the best part of our nature too .. as humans to look after and nature , to care for these precious things.
Anyway, this is just a check-in really to say hello again after my tech break and to say if you did your first sober Xmas WELL DONE !!! That is really fabulous. This season is not for the faint hearted and that is some serious sober muscle you just built there.
If you didn’t manage it , dust yourself off and try again. I have seen some platitudes on a sober forum on facebook today which are pretty bloody useless in my opinion. It’s not ok to just say ‘There , there ” You need to work out what happened, why it happened and what you need , try one new thing and remember that the voice that suggests drinking is a good idea is ALWAYS the addictive voice. Reach out and get support. Find your sober monkey group. And remember it is just muscle power at the start . Things are always hard before they are easy.
Love to all my fellow sober loved ones.
Stay sAFe through the remainder of the silly season and I will try to keep my marbles too.